The Time Has Come

I am sitting in a car that is parked alongside the road.  The driver got out of the car to do something and doesn’t speak English well enough to communicate to me what is going on.  It’s a busy time here in Allahabad with a hundred million pilgrims from around the world coming and going from this sacred city, so the roads are packed with cars, rickshaws, buses, pedestrians, cows, dogs, and so on.  I spent last night in a tent so that I could be nearer the Kumbha Mela and to bathe in the Ganges this morning, which was one of the most auspicious bathing days.  So I’m waiting here, wondering where he went and when we’ll start moving again so I can get to the hotel where it’s warm and dry, where there is good food and a soft bed.  It’s cold and raining tonight, and I have been crying.

Emotionally exhausted, I am at the absolute limit of how much I can take and the time has officially come for me to leave India, and soon.  As soon as I get back to the hotel I will begin looking at plane tickets to Delhi to retrieve the things I have on storage there, and then to Bangkok because this is where I want to go to sort out all these health issues that I have been having here in India.  The time has come to get this straightened out so that I can get back to the U.S. and record my album.  I realized that even though I have an opportunity to record here in India, it’s time for me to go back to the States, so I will record there instead.  It’s time for deep, deep fulfillment and musical bliss.  It’s time for a break in this crazy intense karmic burn.  It’s time for the next step and the next chapter.


Back at the hotel now, I am reflecting on the car ride here.  As we were driving from the camp at the Kumbha Mela, through the wild, crowded streets of Allahabad, to the hotel, I was feeling a lot of love for India and very grateful for all that she has given me.  And I also strongly felt myself beginning the return journey home.

The pilgrimage has ended.  Today was a great culmination of this and it is clear to me that I am now complete here.  I made it to the Maha Maha Kumbha Mela, which only happens once every 144 years…I bathed in the Sangam (where the Ganges, Yamuna, and Saraswati rivers converge) on one of the most auspicious days possible…I attended the inauguration for the new Maharishi Mahesh Yogi smarak…and for this very special occasion, I wore a sari for the very first time, something that I definitely wanted to do while I was here in India.  And with this, along with a million other things that have happened here, I am complete.  And now it’s time to go back to the U.S.












There are two main priorities for me right now.  First is my health.  The time is NOW for me to sort out all these health issues that have been percolating here.  And the next is recording my music.  After all of this purification, austerity, and incredible time of deep reflection, I have never felt SO ready to get my music recorded and to share it with the world.  I feel that this will likely happen in Los Angeles because I have been having so many synchronicities and L.A. connections this entire past year, and SO, so many here in India.  We shall see…first things first…

First is the question of how I will be able to sort out my health issues.  My first step is that I will fly back to Delhi on Sunday.  From there, what I really want to do is fly to Bangkok before I fly back to the States.  I have heard nothing but the most AMAZING things about the health care and dental care in Bangkok and feel very strongly that the key to my healing lies there.

I really need to see a HIGHLY skilled dentist and take care of all these dental issues.  And also I must (as soon as possible!) find out what’s going on with this awful rash on my belly.  One person looked at it and said “parasite” and another person said “staff infection.”  And now I also have a rash on my back and also my nose, so the sooner I can see a doctor, the better.

Financially I’m not sure how any of this will be possible, but somehow it WILL.  I deserve to receive the healing and care that I need, and so somehow Nature will work this out for me and I will be WELL taken care of.

It’s been a long, crazy, wild adventure here in India, but over and over again I reminded myself that India is known as “karma bumi.”  It’s the best place on the planet to burn one’s karma most quickly, so this gives a meaningful framework for everything that I have gone through here.

After telling my friend Ram about everything I’m going through right now, I asked him, “It’s all part of the purification though, right?”  “Yes, of course,” he responded with such sweetness and love.  I have SUCH love for the Indian people…their generosity of heart and unwavering optimism and joy have deeply affected me and I pray that one day I will be able to somehow serve this great nation in an extremely meaningful way.

The depth of the riches here is truly unfathomable.  I was speaking with my friend Asher yesterday at the inauguration and he spoke of this richness so beautifully.  “How’s India?” I asked him.  “Heaven,” he responded in his beautiful Australian accent.  As he said this, his face was lit up with a huge smile and a look of awe and deep reverence, eyes full of bliss as he gazed into the distance.  He said that he feels that in every place there are layers, from the most physical/material down to the more and more subtle/spiritual layers.  “In all places, there are layers,” he said, palm facing the ground and moving down to illustrate this description.  “Here in India, there’s no bottom,” he smiled, face beaming with such deep appreciation and joy.

I definitely FEEL the truth in this.  I have definitely experienced some of this incredible richness of this magical land, although I have only BEGUN to travel down through the layers that exist here.  And I cannot even begin to put into words how all of this has affected me, transformed me, purified and humbled me.

Amma says, “To become humble is the very goal of spiritual life.  Humility alone is the way to God.  The beauty of spirituality lies in humility.”

She also says that we should be like a blade of grass…humble.  “A cyclone will uproot huge trees and houses but it cannot touch the grass,” she says.  “This is the greatness of humility.”

Never in my life have I felt more humble….more in awe of this great big huge creation and the stunning contrast that lies within…more amazed and utterly dumbfounded by the immensity of the spectrum of its infinite layers, cycles, patterns, beings, intelligence…and its perfection.

All of this can never be captured.  It can never be described.  We can point our finger toward the Mystery and feel gratitude and awe for the greatness of this opportunity to be a part of it.  We can pray for strength, guidance, and purity of heart.  We can do spiritual practices that best support and facilitate our growth and evolution.  We can get down on our knees and thank the heavens for it all, for every single thing.  Even when it’s painful.  Even when nothing seems to make sense.  Even when we feel lost and all alone in a big, strange universe.

As I type these words, tears of gratitude are washing my face because despite all the hardships that I have gone through here, I know that the blessings that I have received are infinitely greater than I can even begin to comprehend.  And I am humbled by the vast abundance and generosity of this great universe in which we live and by the infinite wisdom here.

If you are reading this, it means that you have helped to make this journey possible for me.  And I love you and I am more grateful for you than I could possibly express in words.  So all I can say is “THANK YOU SO MUCH!” for being with me on this journey.  I will continue to update you as things move along home and as my health is restored to fullness, to a new level of health and vitality even beyond what I have known up until this point.

I pray that your journey may be deeply blessed, and that may you fully realize the divinity within you, the love that you ARE.

All love and blessings to you.  May you always feel loved, held, supported, and cared for in each and every moment.  And may God bless you and keep you always.

About erinpillman

I Am ~ Yogini, Writer, Earth Lover, Songstress, Poet, Global Citizen
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14 Responses to The Time Has Come

  1. Dear Erin, Come home! We await you with open arms! If you need or want, I have a friend in India who is undergoing ayurvedic treatments right now, for her eyes, and other things, and has found a small clinic she really likes. You could connect with her and just feel out if she has and health ideas for you. She knows India very well. She is Elsie, and her e-mail is Many blessings to you. May the long time sun shine upon you, all love surround you, and the pure light within you, guide your way home. Love,
    Sandy Stimson

    • erinpillman says:

      Thank you SO MUCH, Sandy! You are SUCH an amazing woman ~ I can feel the strength and warmth of your love and your open arms! Thank you so much for Elsie’s email address and for your gorgeous blessings. So Much Love to You Always! ♥

  2. Beautiful dear Beauty. Melt on…

  3. Erin you are blessed. Your wonderful journey is just beginning. Thank you for sharing and for your blessings.

    • erinpillman says:

      Thank you so much for your beautiful words, Elizabeth! I feel this too! And you are so welcome ~ you are such a blessing ~ thank you for being ~ thank you for seeing me ~ all love and blessings to you always! ♥

  4. kevin says:

    yea … india gives it all … including a potential real ass kicker … i advise some western diagnostic oversight and if needed treatment on the parasite issues … i did not take care of mine for years and then they can get entrenched … no big deal to make sure you got them early

    • erinpillman says:

      Haha, yeah, Mother India definitely gave me the royal karmic ass kicking! ; ) All completely perfect and blessed, of course. It’s always all for our highest growth and evolution, even if it doesn’t feel that great while we’re going through it! It ended up being an innocent allergic reaction, thank God!

  5. Susan says:

    Erin – thanks for sharing some of the depth of your journey – if you land in LA – let me know, there are some great people there, and I am sure that you would like them if you met them. much love, safe journeys and stay in Bangkok as much as possible for that part of the healing journey. Just “heard” that you would be wise to seek a foot massage while you are there…hope it helps. much love Susan
    and yes, as Tracy says melt on – wait until you compare the before and after photos…hugs

    • erinpillman says:

      Thank you so much, Susan! This is beautiful! I did have some VERY nice Ayurvedic treatments in Delhi before I came back to the States, absolutely amazing. Thank you so much for your reading my stories and for your incredibly kind words. And thank you for your beautiful heart ♥

  6. Amarnath says:

    Holding you deep, I am with you. Distance is an illusion. Love is all there was, is, or ever will be.

  7. Deidre Lentz says:

    Come home – if it works- after possible treatments in India or Bangkok. You are always welcome in my home. Have been with you the whole BLESSED journey. Amazing dear fearless one – thank you for singing your songs for ALL of us.

    • erinpillman says:

      Thank you so much, Deidre. You are an earth angel, and I love and appreciate you so much! Your support and your love are SO deeply felt and appreciated. You are amazing, amazing, amazing…love you ♥

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