“It’s just a crazy world, that’s all…it’s crazy…I don’t understand it…I don’t understand it, I’m just aware of it, that’s all…I guess what’s happening in other parts of the world has to come to your part of the world before we start to wake up…”

~ Ray LaMontagne

These words resonate so much with me right now with everything that I am going through. This life can feel like SUCH a crazy trip sometimes and I find myself just utterly bewildered by the whole thing. Of course, on some level I can recognize the divinity and perfection of it all…but sometimes it’s just plain confusing, impossible to make any sense of it.

So I do my best to surrender, but what about conscious free will?  What about being firm and decisive, continuing to move forward even when the path is so unclear?  What is the balance between “letting go and letting God” and actively engaging in this play?  Is there even any difference?  Maybe free will is just an illusion anyway because everything is actually God’s Will?  But perhaps we must pretend to have free will so that we stay strong and actively engaged?  Maybe I should stop thinking about all of this so much and just LIVE and EXPERIENCE life, focusing more on staying in motion, rather than continually seeking to understand it all?

Upon hearing Ray LaMontagne speak these words (quote above) in a video of his song, “Hold You in My Arms,” I had this realization that having just “met” the other hemisphere, there is a wholeness that is being realized inside of me.  It will take some time to integrate, but I feel like I am really beginning a brand new life now, post-India…this wholeness will inform me and be expressed through me in every way, especially through my music…SO exciting!!!

I’m still navigating this last bit of the journey here in India, still dealing with some challenges…but I’m feeling really grateful for all the blessings and intense purification that I have received here…and I’m also feeling REALLY excited to see what the next chapter holds in store for me…and for ALL of us as we move deeper into 2013!!!

So we must keep moving forward, forward, forward, trusting the process and knowing in our hearts that all is always, always WELL, that we are loved and cared for in every moment, and that the perfection of God is all that exists, now and forever.  Amen.

Namaste, Sweet Friends…I Love You!!!  ♥ ♥ ♥

About erinpillman

I Am ~ Yogini, Writer, Earth Lover, Songstress, Poet, Global Citizen
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15 Responses to Forward!!!

  1. Joe says:

    To understand the outer world go within. Brihaspati Dev Triguna was ask how do you become Enlightened. His responce, Long Deep Meditation. It takes about one and a half to two years in the Dome. I urge everyone to go within. Enjoy the rest of your stay in India and good luck with your health issues. I’m sure they will clear up soon.

  2. Margot says:

    You know, I think sometimes the astrology is also playing it’s part….. One is on a rollercoaster and just can’t do much more than move with it, surrender in a way and – yes – it might be shocking to say that, but in a way be ready to die (not that one wishes to). I had that these last weeks, to be honest. I saw myself flying to Europe over deserts and oceans and falling just out of it and saw myself into to break into smithereens. Only this weekend,, Friday late afternoon, something changed., I talked to a friend and she really cares about me. I hadn’t talked to her about what was going on as I didn’t want to burden her with my stuff. I hadn’t known what would be happening. I didn’t know who I was (I mean: my dharma, my calling), I didn’t think that it would interest anyone either. I felt like a fatally ill person waiting for the last blows of death. She somehow put me on my past, asked me to write something I was asked to write. She was slightly impatient with me, but also concerned. IN some way she loves me. So after our talk I went home and started to writeand then I felt that my Self started to come back, my Dharma woke up again not in leaps and bounds – gradually, the fountain started to sputter again. Beforehand I couldn’t motivate myself, I just couldn’t. I didn’t know who I was, what I was – I was ready to die. I didn’t tell anyone as usually you only see compassionate glances, or let’s say shocked glances, maybe even disapproving with some slight compassion – but that makes you feel even more miserable. But while I was writing I could feel again who I was, my own strength. i got more stout-hearted again. It grew gradually and I witnessed it somewhat that there was this Margot slowly coming up again. I had myself again – at least more again….
    It was absolutely horrible. But what can you do. This is how it is. ❤
    Such things happen – they have been happening to me in the past. It's a known pattern somewhat. I guess it is a little a part of my horoscope of my learning process. I haven't found a solution for it yet. I guess something still has to melt away…. old karma.

    • Wow, that was a beautiful reply to Erin’s post – so authentic, searingly honest and impactful. I hope you continue to write to your heart’s desire – it’s amazing what writing can do for the soul. It’s so cathartic. I’s where you get lucky once in a while to have your spirit come through you with unimaginable wisdom to share with others. It’s the single most powerful thing I’ve ever had the privilege to enjoy so please don’t stop Margot….keep writing. I’m a writer too and I know what it’s like not to write for a while only to get back at it again and discover, to my delight, the wisdom flowing once again.

    • erinpillman says:

      Thank you so much for sharing this, Margot. What a brave, beautiful heart! I love the way you write ~ and I am so glad this writing is flowing again ~ let that fountain flow, woman ~ you are amazing! All love and blessings to you always, beautiful soul! ♥

  3. Erin, you do have free will at every moment. What you choose to do, be, think, etc, determines your “destiny” . So it’s a bit of both, but you have and do create it as you go. So do make choices, even if it has to be for now that you do nothing, as a time to re-evaluate your direction and consider the next step…<3 Safe journey home. ❤

  4. simon says:

    Every heartbeat, every breath, every step of life is the Will of God – but we have to play our part.

  5. This was a very interesting post – it’s funny because we do have free will but I also believe there’s a higher guiding force that works with us in helping us make the best choices. Note the word choices – you have the freedom to listen to that inner guidance or not. I guess that’s where “free will” come sinto play.

    We all know our spirit guides or ET’s cannot interfere but they are most certainly able to guide us and provide clues through signs, intuitive hits and the like but only if we decide to pay attention.

    I’ve compltely fallen in love with your whole experience to India – thanks so much for being totally autentic. Have you seen theTED Talk called “The Power of Vulnerability” I’ve watched that talk so many times I’ve practically memorized the speec word for word because there’s nothing more powerful than the value of autnecity. People are starving for the truth but many people don’t have the courage to step up to it. They’re so afraid of how they might be perceived, etc.

    What’s amazing is that the world is quickly changing toward the truth. I’ve personally witnessed a slew of honest admissions by some of our leaders. For example, a man was fired as Grupon’s CEO and he wrote a blunt and honest memo to the employees – I’m starting to see this more and more. Here’s the article on that:

    The TED Talk can be accessed here at:

    Bottom line Erin, your honest, transparency is totally right on! Thank you for inspiring me.

    • erinpillman says:

      Thank you so much, Stephen! Yes, I agree. What we need so much right now in the world is more vulnerability, transparency, honesty, courage, and LOVE! I LOVE both the Washington Post article you sent as well as the Ted talk. Brilliant, beautiful, perfect. You are an inspiration to SO MANY, my friend. Keep shining and sharing yourself ~ the world is SUCH better place because you are here ♥

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